Posted by: Sabrina | January 6, 2009

Moving Forward

If you’ve read my last few posts, you know that I’ve been feeling sort of stuck in neutral. I’ve done a lot of reading and reflecting, but my actual hands-on practice in terms of ritual just really . . . well. . . sucks right now. This is, I feel, a logical result of my personal need to stay pretty firmly in the closet with regard to my evolving spirituality. But having had several weeks out of the classroom for the holidays, I have had time to set some goals, one of which was to to re-connect with L., who has been sort of in and out of my life for a number of years. During those years, I have sometimes wished for a closer relationship with L., but the realities of our lives and lifestyles as we each married, established our homes, raised kids, and so forth made a close relationship between us unlikely.

Now that our kids are all basically grown, though, we have begun to connect again. When I was younger and more firmly entrenched in Catholicism, I had been oblivious to signs L. showed over the years that she was involved with pagan spirituality, but looking back now that I am on that path myself, I can’t believe I missed noticing things about her in the past that are so obvious, and so I decided to confide in her about my spiritual evolution.

Over the course of that l-o-n-n-g-g-g conversation, she was both very open with me about her own experience of paganism and also a bit surprised that I’m not just considering a move away from Catholicism but that I have actually done so AND I have firmly committed to paganism. At the same time, I think I made it pretty clear to her that I have a deep need to move beyond a mere intellectual understanding of this path and into emotional experiences. I am so grateful for her willingness to listen and answer a lot of my questions, but beyond that, she is willing to help me move forward from my stuck position by guiding me and participating in ritual with me over the next few sabbats! I suppose it’s possible that as open as we are with each other, we still might not . . . resonate . . . with each other in ritual, but if she is willing to teach me a little of what she knows, I am eager to try!  (Yikes!  That sounds sort of mercenary, and I don’t mean it that way at all.)  Whatever the outcomes, I want that new closeness between us-even just on everyday things–to continue.

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