Posted by: Sabrina | February 19, 2009

What I’ve Been Up To

 

If you’ve read my last few posts, you’ll recall that L. and I had agreed to get together for an Imbolc ritual at the beginning of February.  As the time we agreed upon approached, she laid out in general terms how she thought our ritual should go, and I very much appreciated her taking the lead since she has a much longer history of Pagan practice than I do, and at that point I was feeling quite unsure of myself—not about my belief, but about my ability to plan and undertake a meaningful ritual.  And so the day arrived, we met at the agreed upon location, she led, I followed, and . . . it didn’t really work for me. *sigh*

 

I’ve spent some time pondering why, and I don’t think it’s any one thing, but just a little bit of several things.  Although we are both ex-Catholics who have stepped onto the Pagan path, that path is rather wide and we are pretty far apart in terms of our individual focuses.  Her practice tends to be influenced by Native American spirituality, and mine . . . is not.   I also think I was feeling pretty self-conscious about not wanting to seem like such a novice, but that just led me to holding back emotionally during our ritual.  In purely practical terms, I think I had difficulties because we were outside on a bitterly cold day and we didn’t move enough to stay warm.  So my goals, as I prepare for our Ostara ritual are to reflect on the “flavor” I would like to bring to it, to loosen up enough to become more emotionally involved in it, and to either plan it for a day of warmer weather or to dress more warmly.  J  Stay tuned.

 

Otherwise, things are looking up in my spiritual life.  I have been to more Pagan events—even heard Starhawk speak at the Women of Wisdom conference last week!  And my husband and I just wrapped up our umpteenth home improvement project, after which I conducted a ceremony to bless our re-configured space so that I would feel spiritually comfortable in it.  I am happy to report that the blessing ceremony I wrote and carried out was not bad, and when I am in our new space, I do get a feeling of peace and goodness.

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Responses

  1. What was Starhawk like??

    I know what you mean. TGW and I practise together celebrating the wheel of the year, although less so recently.

    We are from very different ends of the pagan path, but we are lucky to find an energy within circle based on our friendship and care for each other. It helps that when we started we were pretty much as cack-handed as each other, i.e. we had not done much shared ritual work – it does change the dynamic and make things a tad tense if you feel you are expected to perform.

    Maybe you should speak openly with your ritual partner about the expectations you have of your work together and what she expects. Being clear about this might help relieve the tension and free up your energy for some really good circle work.

    And no ritual practice would be complete without saluting the North in the East, dripping wax on your toes, burning your fingers on the incense and forgetting your “lines” at LEAST once ;-)

    Blessings
    Seshat

  2. Seshat–
    Yes, it will be important for us to talk not just about the format but about our emotional states. Fortunately for me, L. is a very supportive and nurturing type so I know whatever I say to her or ask of her will be given serious consideration.

    The theme of Starhawk’s talk at the Seattle Women of Wisdom conference was “Using the Insights of Feminism to Change the World.” She focused on how important it is to bring compassion and nurturing–typical feminine qualities–into our efforts to deal with economic difficulties and with issues of ecology and sustainability, even though those quaities have been more or less dismissed in the past. I remember thinking that it felt as if I were listening to a friend or even a sister as she spoke. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she and I are more or less the same generation, so I could definitely identify with the historical references she made. I also just found her to be really down-to-Earth, despite her years of activism and leadership. It was an interesting evening!


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