If you’ve read my last few posts, you’ll recall that L. and I had agreed to get together for an Imbolc ritual at the beginning of February. As the time we agreed upon approached, she laid out in general terms how she thought our ritual should go, and I very much appreciated her taking the lead since she has a much longer history of Pagan practice than I do, and at that point I was feeling quite unsure of myself—not about my belief, but about my ability to plan and undertake a meaningful ritual. And so the day arrived, we met at the agreed upon location, she led, I followed, and . . . it didn’t really work for me. *sigh*
I’ve spent some time pondering why, and I don’t think it’s any one thing, but just a little bit of several things. Although we are both ex-Catholics who have stepped onto the Pagan path, that path is rather wide and we are pretty far apart in terms of our individual focuses. Her practice tends to be influenced by Native American spirituality, and mine . . . is not. I also think I was feeling pretty self-conscious about not wanting to seem like such a novice, but that just led me to holding back emotionally during our ritual. In purely practical terms, I think I had difficulties because we were outside on a bitterly cold day and we didn’t move enough to stay warm. So my goals, as I prepare for our Ostara ritual are to reflect on the “flavor” I would like to bring to it, to loosen up enough to become more emotionally involved in it, and to either plan it for a day of warmer weather or to dress more warmly. J Stay tuned.
Otherwise, things are looking up in my spiritual life. I have been to more Pagan events—even heard Starhawk speak at the Women of Wisdom conference last week! And my husband and I just wrapped up our umpteenth home improvement project, after which I conducted a ceremony to bless our re-configured space so that I would feel spiritually comfortable in it. I am happy to report that the blessing ceremony I wrote and carried out was not bad, and when I am in our new space, I do get a feeling of peace and goodness.